Bribery at its Best

Yep, I bribe my kids. You know you’ve done it too…

Most parenting books will tell you that you shouldn’t bribe your children. In theory, I completely agree. It just doesn’t sound right…con your kids into doing something that they should be doing anyway. It isn’t a great concept. But, if an M&M will get my 3 year-old to use the potty, I’m going to bribe her with that M&M and maybe 10 more.

I do try to keep the bribery to a minimum but there are certain scenarios where I find it totally necessary…

The cake-pop bribe. Classic.

1. Potty training. The reason is obvious. What kid is really going to sit on top of a big hole and pee without some type of reward waiting for them? When potty training, I bribe the sh*t out of my kids.

2. Eating Veggies. I know, I know. The most hypocritical and ironic bribe. ‘Here eat these vegetables and you can have a [insert your go-to bribe here].’ Eat these vegetables and then you can eat a really unhealthy snack. Hmm.

3. That trip to great-grandma’s house. Or whomever you may visit that has tiny trinket’s, antiques and valuables placed all over their house. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to leave someone’s home having to write a check for all the tiny things my children may have accidentally broken while we were there. ‘If you use good listening while we’re at great-aunt Helen’s house you can [insert your go-to-bribe here].’

4. Family Photos. This topic will eventually have a blog post all its own but until then…yes, I bribe my kids before, during and after family photos. Without the bribe, there would be no photos. Who am I kidding, even with the bribe there are sometimes no photos. (JK we have an amazing family photographer!)

5. Doctor’s or Dentist Visits. Ugh. This makes me nervous just thinking about it. Multiple children at the dentist? It’s pure chaos at best. So yes, before seeing the doctor or dentist, I may bribe my kids.

Examples that don’t warrant a separate bullet? ‘I’m taking all 3 of you to the pool so please be nice to me and I’ll give you ice-cream’ or  the classic ‘we’re going to this kid’s birthday party, if you don’t stick your hand in the cake, I’ll let you have a piece.’ And yes, that has happened.

In thinking through these examples, I’ll admit – the bribery doesn’t often happen until crap starts hitting the fan (literally with example number 1). When chaos starts erupting, we reach for whatever will help calm the madness. That’s when bribery comes on strong. Doesn’t that make it a little better? It’s not my number 1 parenting method, but it’s a go-to when things get out of hand.

I am big believer (finger’s crossed) that the need for bribery fades eventually. I see it now with my 5 year-old. I bribed her enough in her younger years to eat her green veggies, that now she doesn’t even ask. It’s not a conversation. She knows whatever veggies I put on her plate need to be eaten. Does she ask to be excused without eating them on occasion? Yes. But ultimately she knows, those green beans will be eaten. The bribe is no longer needed.

These are hard years. If a sticker or a lollipop is going to keep my kids quiet and momentarily keep me sane, it’s not even a question.

Now excuse me. I’m going to go bribe my 3 year to take a nap. [Insert eye-roll here].

Mommy Diatribes