In the midst of dealing with a recent toddler tantrum I had a lightbulb moment. Why does he act this way for me and for no one else? Even my husband. Why? WHY? Well, because I am his safe place. ‘Give him some grace,’ I thought to myself, you are his safe place.
It is hard to be someone’s safe place. ‘Hard’ isn’t even the right word, it doesn’t even come close. To be the safe place means you are the shoulder to cry on, the target of misplaced anger, the sounding board. You experience every emotion imaginable while attempting to walk these little people through their own emotional rollercoasters. There is laughter, tears and everything in-between. There is heartache on both ends. There is independence and fear of letting go. The safe place is why our babies only want their momma’s when they are sick. It’s why the weight of their world feels like it’s sitting on our shoulders. We are the safe place.
The Safe Place
It starts the second these babies enter the world, even before. I will never forget taking a shower after our second daughter was born and hearing her wail through the hospital walls. Although he tried his very best, my husband just couldn’t calm her. I opened the shower door, wrapped myself in a towel, hurried into the room and said two simple words, ‘oh, baby.’ And the crying was instantly over. I held her, dripping wet, until she was settled. That is the safe place.
As our babies grow the need for the safe place does, as well. We will be their comfort the first time their feelings are hurt. We will be their verbal punching bag when they come home exhausted from their first day of school. We will be there for every high and low. The first love and heartbreak. We’ll celebrate every dance recital, every sports win, every cavity free dentist visit. We’ll be the ones they eventually lie too, hurt and come back to. They may one day say ‘I hate you’ out of anger, but you’ll know it isn’t true. The safe place. That safe place we create for our children is the same reason we still need our mother’s as adults. They are our safe place. I still call my mom every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, even if I have nothing meaningful to say. It doesn’t matter, I still call, she still answers.
The absolute beauty of the safe place is that we don’t just get the lows, we get the highs too. We get the honor of celebrating their lives as they happen. We get to build them up and teach them their value. As gut wrenching, exhausting, and arduous as it is to be someone’s safe place, it is also a gift…one that shouldn’t be taken for granted. Like all things beautiful the good of being the safe place far outweighs the bad.
Tomorrow, as I’m dealing with the next emotional crisis (from one of the kids, not my own), I’ll remind myself of what it means to be the safe place before I react. I should be able to relate, the three of them are my safe place too.
Mommy Diatribes
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