To put it simply…it’s not what you think or at least it’s not what I thought.
Working moms: I see you and I feel your struggle. I was in your shoes and there is nothing easy about your life. Rushing to get yourself and your kids ready and out the door every day, leaving them in someone else’s hands while you work. Getting home just in time to rush through dinner, baths and bedtime. Ugh. Just know before reading this, that I have been there (see ‘About Mommy Diatribes’) and I know your struggle. I respect you and I’m rooting for you.
I’m now 21 months in to the job of being a SAHM and I’ve found that if you’ve never done this, you simply don’t understand. It’s easy to imagine what life would be like as a SAHM. Well, I’m here to tell you it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. It’s actually nothing like you’ve imagined, or at least it’s nothing like what I imagined. Here are 10 confessions from a SAHM, none of which I was expecting going in to the job…
1. I need my husband more than I ever have before
I need my husband. When I was a working mom I didn’t feel like I needed him in the way I need him now. May sound harsh, but it was the reality of our situation at the time. He worked well over an hour from home and that meant I took on the majority of the child-rearing during the week. The difference between then and now? I went to work every day and although I missed my babies, I got dressed nicely, put makeup on and interacted with other adults all day. That felt nice. So, I need him more now. I need to talk to him when he walks in the door at night. I need to hear about his day and chat about our plans for the weekend. I need him. That was a harsh reality for this fiercely independent momma.
2. I am lonely
So now that I’ve admitted that I really need my husband, I’m going to admit I’m lonely? No ego boosting here. All of the play-dates in the world couldn’t cure the SAHM loneliness. It’s not that I don’t enjoy talking to toddlers all day and helping them through their emotional rollercoasters…it’s just that it can be hard to not have many who understand my emotional roller coasters. On bad days, I feel very alone in the madness.
3. The choice wasn’t easy
I’m fortunate to have had a choice in staying home or working, but that doesn’t mean it was any easy choice. My corporate job was demanding, hard and draining. BUT, I liked my job. I loved the people I worked for and worked with. I was successful and built a career to be proud of. I didn’t wake up one day and say ‘I don’t want to work anymore.’ We made a choice that we felt was best for our family and I chose one job over another. It was not an easy decision and it did not come without sacrifice.
4. This is not the easy way out
Remember the loneliness, guilt and needing described above? Not easy and that isn’t even scratching the surface. SAHM life is beautiful chaos but never easy. Comparing my (remember, I said ‘my’) career to being a SAHM? I have never worked harder than I do now.
5. I don’t sleep in, sit around in my pajamas all day or binge watch daytime TV
SAHM stereo-types right there! I wake up well before the kids every day, I get dressed (not saying I’m presentable) and I haven’t watched Live with Kelly since the last year’s Halloween episode. Also, I still get the Sunday night blues and wait around impatiently for Friday nights.
6. SAHM Guilt is a real Bitch
Mom guilt comes in many forms and each one sucks. I may not have Working Mom Guilt anymore, but SAHM guilt is also a real witch. I feel guilty about the fact that I feel lonely. Isn’t that a real mind F? I feel guilty that my 3 year-old doesn’t always get enough interaction with other kids. I feel bad that my husband is sometimes stressed by our finances. I feel guilty on days when my kids watch too much TV. I feel guilty that my house is always a wreck. I even feel guilty that I get to stay home with my kids and there are so many others (some of my best friends) who cannot. Mom guilt is a real thing and it is awful.
7. I feel judged
Ahh, the judgement. To be honest, I never really felt judged as a working mom. Yes, I sometimes heard comments like ‘Oh, you only see them for two hours a day? That must be really hard.’ It was hard and it made me sad. But, it was the reality of our situation and I made it work. Did I LOVE it? Not always but I was grateful for a job I liked (not loved) and a career that was mine. As a SAHM mom I feel the judgement from all angles, all day, all the time. Oftentimes the judgement is completely unintentional but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. I feel it from my friends, strangers in Target, other parents at pre-school drop-off, sometimes my own family. It’s real. Does it bother me? Sometimes.
8. There is nothing glamorous about it
My house is always a wreck. I always have some type of bodily fluid on my clothes. I wipe more asses in a day than I care to admit. At any point you may find sippy cups, clothes and old food under my couch. And sometimes it feels like I am teetering on the edge of insanity. So, I make choices. My house might be dirty but if I have to choose between my sanity and a clean house, I’ll pick my sanity every damn time.
9. I don’t LOVE being a SAHM
There, I said it. I LOVE being able to watch my babies grow and learn and experience life. I love it and try my best to soak up every moment. I honestly would not change anything about my life right now. The sweet and beautiful moments far outweigh the bad, but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle.
10. I don’t take this for granted
I know from personal experience that it can be hard to understand the struggles of being a SAHM. Please don’t take these realities as complaints. I feel incredibly blessed to have this time with my kids. I do not take this for granted.
There are moms who work and wish they didn’t have too. There are moms who chose to work because they want too. There are moms who stay at home and love every moment. What we all have in common? We have struggles. Mom life is hard. We are all more alike than we are different, no matter our choices or circumstances.
Me? I’m a mom who stays at home with her kids but will never pretend that this this life is easy or perfect. You want some truth-telling? I am your girl.
Mommy Diatribes
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