We live in a scary, beautiful world and right now women are at the forefront of it all. I don’t know how to properly capture my thoughts on the #Me Too and Time’s Up movements. I feel sad that we need these movements at all. I feel grateful that change is happening now. I feel grateful to those women who have suffered abuse and injustice for speaking their truth. I feel grateful FOR those women that they now have an outlet to do so. I feel deep concern that these movements simply won’t be enough to make movement outside of the Hollywood elite. I’m hoping it’s too early to tell. All I do know is that raising kids in this world is nothing short of scary. Right now, for me, raising girls feels debilitating.
I’ve always told my girls ‘You can do anything. Girls can do anything.’ I was raised by a strong mother and I’m doing my very best to raise strong daughters. The reality is, we cannot protect them from everything. There are so many things that we hope to instill into these girls, who will be one day be women. But, there will always be peer pressure, there will always be a mean girl, there will always be a boy. There will be broken hearts, tears, and mixed emotions. There will be proud moments and let down moments. We want to prevent and take away their pain, but that just isn’t always possible, which is why we pour so much of ourselves into teaching them right and teaching them to be strong.
Here are 25 things I hope to teach my daughters.
1. When in doubt, always trust your gut.
2. A beautiful girl shouldn’t say dirty words.
3. Never be with a man who is rude to his mother.
4. Never put your drink down unfinished. If you do – get a new one, every single time.
5. Saying ‘I am sorry’ doesn’t always fix things but it is the best place to start.
6. Three phrases that you can never say often enough: Please, Thank You, I Love You
7. Three phrases that should not be a part of your vocabulary: Shut Up, I hate You, or the word Bitch in any context.
8. Speaking of the B word…never accept anyone calling you a bitch. No matter what anyone says, it’s not a compliment.
9. Never be too afraid to call me, ever.
10. Always wear sunscreen. Sunburn hurts, it is dangerous and just isn’t a good look.
11. Take really good care of your skin and teeth. You cannot replace either.
12. Remember that whoever is president or what anyone says, women rule the world.
13. Read books.
14. Watch the entire series of Gilmore Girls at least once! It’s just too good.
15. Credit cards are not free money – you have to pay that shit back! Use them wisely or not at all.
16. Try your best to choose kindness over everything. Even when it seems that a person may not deserve it – kill them with kindness.
17. White pants after labor day? How about white pants NEVER. They are just too tricky.
18. Take time to learn about different religions and decide for yourself where your faith lies.
19. There are some voids that only a friend can fill. Keep your good ones close.
20. Driving is dangerous. Always wear a seatbelt. Don’t talk on the phone, text or drink and drive. Simple rules that you never want to learn the consequences of breaking.
21. Peer pressure is a real bitch (and yes, I used the word I said to never use) but follow rule #1 and you’ll be OK.
22. Life is unfair sometimes. It’s better to accept it now than wallow over it later.
23. Some girls are mean, don’t be one of them. Mean looks bad on anyone and it will look bad on you too.
24. The manner’s I’ve worked really hard to teach you? Those need to last your lifetime. Age is no excuse to not use them.
25. There is nothing more important than the truth, no matter how much it scares you or how hurtful it may be. Live in truth.
A few photos of the strong girls I am raising.
So much is missing from the list, because there simply isn’t a list long enough to capture it all. I want to scream: DO NOT SMOKE! DON’T BINGE DRINK, DON’T DO DRUGS, DON’T GO TO PARTIES ALONE, DON’T LEAVE PARTIES ALONE. The realist side of myself left those specific messages off the list. Because I know those messages will be built into many causal and obvious conversations with my children (and I’m sure yours too) in the future; until then, they are subtly laced into the messages above.
So, how do I feel about the #MeToo and Time’s Up movement. I just don’t know. I feel too much. What I do know is that I’ll be over here raising two bad-ass girls and leading my own mini-movement. One that captures the essence of #MeToo, Time’s Up and millions of other small, subtle and not-so subtle lessons. If I had to name it would be something like ‘Trust Your Gut and when that doesn’t work, Trust Your Momma’ movement. Think they’ll go for that? Let’s hope so.
Mommy Diatribes
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