We need our friends. It sounds obvious, right? As women, as mother’s, as humans, we need friendships and connections to get by. As much as we love our children and our husbands or partners, we need more. There, I said it. I know, it’s an awful thing to say out loud but I firmly believe that it is true. I need more and if I had to guess, I bet you do too.
I can count my close friends on two hands…less than two hands, actually. I learned a long time ago that I can keep my treasured friends close by keeping my circle small. I get caught up in life with 3 children under 5, a husband who owns and manages a small business, a house that I cannot keep up with, a 20lb dog named, Lucy, and trying to take care of myself in the process. So, where do my friends fit in? They fit everywhere. Not just because I want them too but because I need them too.
I need to text Meg at 8AM and tell her my toddler just dumped an entire bottle of hand soap on the hardwood floor because she will say something in return that will make me laugh and keep me from crying instead. I need to meet Jenny for a late dinner after a long week of toddler talk or when my husband says something snarky that, in the moment, feels like the end of the world. I need to plan a Gilmore Girls binge watching session with Diane because she’s the only person who loves it more than I do. These women (and many others) bring me back down to earth, make me feel a lot less crazy and are always on my side, even when my side may not be the right one. That’s not to say they don’t tell me when I’m wrong, because they do on occasion, but they are always on my side. See the difference?
It can be incredibly difficult to maintain friendships after having babies. That’s obvious, right? You get caught up in these tiny little miracles and it becomes so easy to just get lost in the beautiful chaos of raising a baby. But all those baby books you read? Those classes you took? Not one is going to tell you to respond to those text messages, carve time out time to return those phone calls, answer emails or schedule a visit…but you must. In the beginning, those first sleepless 3 months (or 12!), keeping in touch may seem like an added burden, but it is just like anything else in life…what you put in, is what you get out. It may feel like work at first, but it won’t always feel that way.
My oldest and best friends.
You know that manual we all talk about? The manual on raising babies that doesn’t exist. If there was one, there would be a chapter on the importance of friendships post-baby and throughout the toddler years. We need our friends to lean on when we are navigating through raising a toddler, questioning our own every move, trying to teach respect and kindness – those are hard lessons to teach, hard lessons to learn and would be even harder without a friend close by. Potty training, play dates and tantrums? You’ll need a friend.
There are certain things that our husbands or partners will simply never understand but your friends? Your friends will either graciously pretend to understand or simply let you vent; whichever it is, that friend will fill a void that you’ll feel guilty was even there in the first place. Never let your friendships get lost in the excuses of parenthood. Your friends with children will have a profound respect and understanding of what you may be going through. Your friends without children may not understand what you are going through, but they understand you. They will be able to pull you out of that baby fog, just when you need it. New friends will provide fresh perspective and old friends will provide a saving comfort. Keep your treasured friends close. You will need them.
My friends are built into my life, every aspect, and it is purposeful. While it would sound all self-sacrificing to say that my family is all I need, that would be a lie and I am no liar. My friends know that about me 🙂
Mommy Diatribes
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