I hate bath time. I hate it and always have, even before my babies were born. I had this weird phobia of bathing a baby. The whole idea of bathing a teeny-tiny infant was the scariest part of impending motherhood. So much could go wrong. I literally bought several baby books and, before our first daughter was born, realized I had only read the chapters on bathing and what to pack for the hospital. Apparently I was confident, but not too confident.
Based on previous Mom Confession Monday’s and a few snarky Instagram posts (@mommydiatribes), I know I’m not alone in my bath time hatred. So, what is it that makes us loathe bath time? Let’s start with the obvious. It’s the end of the day, there is water involved, there are oftentimes multiple children involved. Kids are gross. They pee in the water and then drink it. Or they don’t realize that their sibling just peed in the water and so they drink it. What the actual F. They splash each other, get water in their eyes, ears and nose but they cry when you attempt to wash their hair.
Now, let’s get to the rest and the realest of the reasons why bath time is the worst time…
Go ahead and drink that water, friend.
1. Bath time usually comes at the very end of the day, right before bed time. The most difficult point of the day, so there’s that minor detail. Since bath time is generally right before bed, the kids use that opportunity to get every last ounce of energy out. I have tried doing bath time at different points of the day to see if it made a difference. Maybe taking baths in the morning, or before naps would help? Nope. When I was working I even tried doing baths right when we walked in the door at 5:30pm but that left dinner abandoned and delayed bedtime. Nah, not worth it.
2. Kids do not sit still…in life or in the bath. So, no matter how strict your bathroom rules are, it can get a little sketchy, especially when your bathing more than one child at a time. The back of our bathtub is angled and my youngest two like to use it as a slide. Definite ER visits in my future.
3. Kids do not cooperate….in life or in the bath. They aren’t really supposed to cooperate. They are learning to make choices on their own, testing the waters (in this case literally and figuratively). In our wildest dreams, while bathing two kids, one would sit quietly and play with the bath toys, while we wash the other. That’s why they are called dreams, friends. In reality, we are fighting one wet toddler to sit in the bath so we can wash them, they are flailing around like a wild animal, while the other throws the toys around the tub and splashes water all over all 3 of us. Or in my case, slides down the back of the tub sending a mini-tidal wave through the tub and onto the bathroom floor.
4. The hard part of bath time actually comes after it’s over. Bath time is annoying; we’ve made that pretty clear here. BUT, the worst part of bath time is actually when it’s over. That’s when we have to get the wet children out of the tub and go right into the bedtime routine. Ugh. Those 15 minutes right after bath time are a legitimate circus. You are drying one while the other runs around between bedrooms, dripping wet and stark naked. You should go after that one but if you let this one go, he or she will just end up doing the same naked dance. So, we pick our battles and work as fast we can to tame the one we’ve got. It’s a no-win cycle.
5. It is a necessity. Yup. There is no getting around bath time. Sure, we can put it off for a day or two but eventually we will have to bathe those children. If there was a mom play-book there would be a required chapter on bath time.
Now, it’s not all about the sarcasm and venting here at Mommy Diatribes. There are so many sweet moments courtesy of bath time. Like before the babies are mobile. Just kidding. There really are. I have photos, and I’m sure you do too, of all of my babies first baths. I can tell you their exact temperament during their first bath and when they first started to LOVE bath time. Eventually, those memories will be the only ones that stick. But for now, we’re in the thick of it, in the trenches of raising babies, and so for now, we’ll vent and hate on bath time as much as we damn well please.
Bath time is the worst time.
Mommy Diatribes
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