We say ‘no’ a lot as parents. There are some things that we just can’t do and some requests that can’t be filled…that’s life, right? It’s an important lesson for children to learn. You can’t always get what you want when you want it.
I sometimes get annoyed at how often I feel forced into saying ‘no’ or ‘not right now’ or ‘get off of that’ or ‘that’s not safe’ or any of the other 1000 variations of the word NO! And as much as I get annoyed with having to hand out the ‘no’s’ the kids get just as frustrated with hearing it. A former pediatrician of ours once told me that she was starting to recommend that all of her toddler parents stop using the word ‘no’ and find a variation that worked for their family. Her top suggestion? STOP! Now, don’t get me wrong, I use the word ‘stop’ fairly often as well, but cutting out the word ‘no’ completely? Sounds great in theory but much easier said than done.
Can we play with play-doh? Will you make slime with me? Can we go to the zoo? Will you take me to target to buy a toy? Will you buy me a real horse to keep in the backyard? Can I stay up really late tonight? Can I give the dog a bath? Can I wear only a shirt to school today? Will you let me do your make-up? Can I give you pretend tattoos with marker? Umm, no, friends. Just no. All questions that I say no to willingly, every damn day. I hand out a lot of NO in my house but, there are some instances when ‘no’ just isn’t the right answer and here are my 5…
1. Can you read me a book?
Yep. I’ll read you a book every time you ask. Sometimes we don’t read books at bedtime (gasp!). It is such a chaotic part of the day that sometimes we just don’t get to it. Which is why, when they ask, I always read to them throughout the day. Readers are leaders, right, and research proves the benefits of reading. Connecting with your child, increased literacy, helps develops language and listening skills, etc. So we read and we read a lot. It may be the same 5 books over and over and over again but when they ask, the answer is always yes.
My kids current favorite? The Pirate Who Said Please by Timothy Knapman. It is such a sweet story about using manners, often ruined by my children’s fighting and statements like ‘mom, you have the worst pirate voice ever.’ Ironic considering the books message.
2. Will you take me outside?
Sometimes we don’t feel like it. We don’t feel like getting everyone semi-appropriately dressed to play, shoes on, etc. It’s not always the easiest choice, but it’s the best one. Unless circumstances literally will not allow, if they ask, I swing open the back door and let them run rampant. Fresh air is good for the soul and expelling their energy is good for our sanity. It’s a win/win.
3. Can I color?
Well, it’s annoying as all get out, but yes, you can. You have to get out the crayons, markers and colored pencils, find a piece of paper they like (which may take 10 minutes), and sit them in safe place where they can’t reach walls or surfaces you don’t want ruined. They will color a masterpiece that they will expect you to keep for forever not knowing that in a few hours, when they are distracted by dinner or baths, you’ll throw that masterpiece in the trash (well, not always!). Let them be creative. It’s a little work, but what isn’t these days?
4. Will you give me a hug?
Sometimes we just need a hug. When they ask, I drop everything in that very moment. You just can’t rush through a ‘will you give me a hug’ moment. I can’t say I get this question a lot and when I do, it’s often from my oldest but it’s a question I treasure. We are The Safe Place, so hug away!
5. Will you sit with me?
Or ‘will you play with me.’ This is a hard one. ‘Will you sit with me.’ It’s such a sweet, innocent and loaded question. This is the perfect example of a question that sometimes does require a ‘no’ answer but I try my very best to avoid it. It’s not a question that is meant to deter our plans or take us away from whatever household or work related task that may be occupying our minds…it’s a simple but loaded question. Sit with me. Give me some of your attention and time. Loaded and yet so innocent that I basically never say no.
As I’m typing this, it’s 7:40AM and my kids are still sleeping. They’ll be up very soon and the questions will start as soon as they open their eyes, which means the ‘NO’ starts shortly thereafter. But, when they ask me to read a book or give them a hug or sit and play, the answer will be yes. I may even bust out the play-doh. We gotta give a little, right?
What are the questions that always get a ‘yes’ from you?
Mommy Diatribes
Leave a Reply