Our Mothers’ Daughters

Have you ever said something to your children and had an instant moment of déjà vu? You think ‘Why does that sound familiar? Where did I get that?’ It may take you a moment to figure out where that moment of parenting goodness came from but eventually it will hit you…it came directly from your MOTHER. Without even realizing it you stole directly from your mother’s parenting playbook. It’s an odd moment, right? It doesn’t feel right or wrong, it just feels like something you always swore would never happen. It’s the realization that in some ways ‘I’m turning into my mother!’

Just this past week my girls were arguing in the car. Not something new, to be honest, but on this particular morning they were really going at it and fighting like wild animals. There was some screaming, screeching and just general disruption going on and I had had enough. They kept at it despite my attempts to resolve the argument peacefully all while DRIVING A CAR. So, I pulled into an empty parking lot, put the car in park and told them we weren’t leaving until they were done. I told them they would both be late for school for all I cared. We weren’t leaving until the screaming and fighting had stopped. It only took about 15 seconds for them to get the point. I was silently patting myself on the back for having taken back control but I couldn’t help but think that this moment, this win, wasn’t my own.

Where did I come up with this idea? You guessed it. My mother. This parenting win, as drastic as it seemed at the time, came courtesy of my mother’s parenting playbook. I didn’t even think before pulling into that parking lot. It was an innate reaction. So, not only am I becoming my mother in some ways but her approach is somehow built into my brain, just waiting to show up when I least expect it.

It’s only natural, right? That we would take from our mother’s, from how we were raised, and use similar methods with our own children. Especially the methods that we remember fondly from our own childhood. My mom used to sing while she pushed on the swings. She swears it’s how we learned our ABC’s and sure enough, without thinking twice, I started doing the same with my children. That’s a takeaway that I’m proud of. But isn’t is really ironic when you also find yourself using the methods that once pissed off the 6, 12 and 15-year-old versions of yourself? Like the parking lot party above. Never in a million years did I ever think I would try that, but here I am. I’ve done it once and I’m absolutely sure I will do it again.

When we were growing up, after dinner and snacks, my mom used to say ‘The kitchen is closed.’ She would turn off the kitchen lights and literally tell us it was closed, meaning ‘you are not getting another single bite of food today!’ Nothing pissed me off more than when my mom would turn off those lights. But now, you guessed it, I use this too. I didn’t get it then, but now I do. When your kid has done nothing but eat and ask for snacks all damn day, when you know they’ve had more than enough and shouldn’t possibly put one more speck of food into their body – yep, the kitchen is closed, suckers!

So, it’s not just the things that we remember most fondly that we pull into the raising of our own children, sometimes it’s also the things that used to make us roll our pre-teen eyes. The difference between then and now? We have our own children and we get it…we can sympathize and understand that sometimes parenting takes you to a place where you have to erratically pull into a parking lot or close the kitchen. Yep, we get it now. In one way or another, we all become our mother’s. We are our mothers’ daughters.

There are so many things we take away from our childhood and from our mother’s specifically – memories, traditions, life lessons and parenting methods that will be sure to get serious eye rolls from our children. Hey – my mom is a serious badass, so from now on, I’ll welcome those innate reactions and parenting intuitions courtesy of her parenting playbook. That way, when the kids roll their eyes when it’s time to close the kitchen, I can say ‘blame your mom-mom!’

Mommy Diatribes