Have you ever been arguing with your toddler and suddenly realize ‘I’m literally fighting with a 3-year-old?’ I have, many times. It’s a realization that brings you back down to earth pretty quickly. This person is 3-years-old and I’m arguing with her about what shoes she’s going to wear today? Umm, no. This will not be my life.
This is where picking battles comes into play. Not every battle is worth fighting – for the sake of our children’s imagination and independence but more importantly, most importantly, for the sake of our sanity.
Can you wear a nightgown and dinosaur pants to target? Sure, but you have to wear shoes.
Can you ‘help’ me do laundry, cook, clean or wash the dishes? Ugh. I want to say no so badly. But I would rather say ‘ok’ and figure out a way to work around you then deal with an argument and the aftermath.
Can you wear my parka in the grocery store? I guess so.
Can you carry around a plastic spoon while we run errands? Whatever, friend. Just don’t hit anyone with it.
Can you have a popsicle at 10AM? While it’s not my first choice and this won’t happen every day, am I going to fret over a popsicle? Nope. Have at it.
Can we do this puzzle? The one that’s actually for ages 6 and above, when your 3? Well, sure. We can spread all the pieces on the floor and pretend to do the puzzle for 15 minutes until you ask me to do the next thing. But you will help me clean it up.
Can you play with the vacuum? Sure. I’ll even turn it on for you so you may actually clean something in the process.
What? You want to play with my purse? Umm, no but I’ll let you play with this old back-pack I haven’t used in 18 years.
You want to wear your Halloween costume to run errands in July? I. DO. NOT. CARE. Well, actually I do care but not enough to fight with you about it, little 2-year-old terror.
Picking battles can be tricky. You walk a fine line between giving your child a sense of independence and letting go of your own control. Picking our battles doesn’t mean we aren’t willing to tell our children ‘no’ it means that sometimes our sanity is worth more than an argument with a toddler. Sometimes, it’s just not worth it. Somethings are not worth getting upset over. Sometimes you have to have let go of a little control to avoid losing your temper. Sometimes you have let things go and pick your battles to save yourself from the guilt that will creep in later.
Do you really want your 3-year-old carrying half her belongings in back-pack while you run errands and grocery shop? No, it’s annoying and you know what’s going to happen. You’re going to end up carrying that back-pack through the store when the toddler finally decides that the novelty has worn off. BUT, and this is a big butt. Is it worth giving them a hard NO, having them not understand why, no matter how hard you try to explain, listening to them scream and cry? Is it worth the guilt you’ll feel before you even pull out of the driveway or the second guessing you’ll do all the way to the store? Probably not. Don’t pick the back-pack battle. There are so many others that we do HAVE to pick, so many big battles and hard lessons. Picking which battles to fight, choosing the battles wisely, its more for our own good.
If we made a mountain of every single mole hill, we would spend our days in the dirt. So, we pick our battles and let some things roll off our back. I’m all about things that lessen the load, lessen the mom guilt. I promise you will never feel guilty over a battle that you chose not to pick.
I am slowly learning to pick my battles with the 3 little monsters that call me Mom. With my husband? Nope, still haven’t learned how to pick battles with him just yet 🙂 We’re all works in progress, right?
Mommy Diatribes
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