Well before you ever get pregnant with your beloved first child, the unsolicited parenting advice begins. We’ve all heard it. The ‘sleep now because once you have a baby you’ll never sleep again’ or the ‘wait a little longer to have a baby. Enjoy being married because a baby changes everything’ or the most obnoxious ‘Enjoy it now, the time goes so fast.’ Yea, thanks for all of that.
The ridiculous part of the unsolicited parenting advice is what ‘they’ leave out. EVERYTHING. They leave out everything. They leave out all the details, all the juicy stuff, all the extreme highs and lowest lows. Sure, not sleeping absolutely sucks. But what about the rest of it? What about all of the things that ‘they’ never warned us about? Here are The Things ‘They’ Forget to tell You: The Pregnancy and Infancy Edition.
They never warn you that the emotions of motherhood begin with conception. Your mind, body and heart are all taken over by this little poppy-seed-sized being. The emotional rollercoaster begins here but they don’t tell you that…
They don’t warn you about the worry or the pregnancy-induced anxiety. You hold your breath through every heart-beat check and ultrasound. You worry about counting kicks and every movement or lack thereof. You just worry.
They absolutely warn you about the nausea, the cravings, the aversions and stretch marks. And yet, someone they forget to mention the REALLY fun stuff that oftentimes comes with pregnancy. Things like constipation, hemorrhoids, weird unnatural hair growth, the pregnancy acne and linea nigra.
Yup, they warn you about that the third trimester. The interrupted sleep, the overactive bladder, the swelling. But what they don’t warn you about are the aches, pains, emotions and calendar counting. They don’t warn you that when someone tells you that the lack of sleep is ‘nature’s way of preparing you for the baby’ it feels very unfair, because it kind of is.
They don’t warn you about other people. That other people will try to touch your belly without permission. Other people will say things like ‘oh, are you sure there aren’t two babies in there?!’ or question your due date when you tell them it’s still months away.
You are so excited to start that baby registry! What no one tells you is that registry and picking out products for your unborn child brings its own ridiculous anxiety. You’ll do more research on car seats and bassinets then you will ever care to admit.
Just google ‘what to pack in your hospital bag’ and there will be a million sites instructing you what to pack and bring to the hospital. What those sites won’t tell you? You won’t use half the shit you packed.
They warn you about birth and everything that can, cannot, will or won’t happen. BUT, and this a big one, they don’t talk about the after birth. The pain, the swelling, the emotions, the varying degrees of tears and stiches. The awful but somehow amazing hospital underwear, that first shower, being worried to use the bathroom for the first time. Nope, they don’t chat with you about that beforehand.
Sure, they warn you about the lack of sleep but they don’t warn you how that lack of sleep will leave you at a point of exhaustion that is almost dangerous. They forget to mention that for the first 6-8 weeks you literally walk around in an extreme fog.
They don’t warn you about the crap. The literal 5 times a day crap that sometimes comes out of every corner of the diaper. They don’t warn you about the spit-up and how it oftentimes ends up on your clothes, down your shirt, in your hair and on your furniture. Projectile vomit? You’ll soon be a pro. Bring a change of extra clothes in the diaper bag for the baby? F that. You bring an extra pair of clothes for YOU and the baby.
They never warn you about how this new phase of life changes every relationship you had prior. The relationship with your family, with your friends and most importantly with your husband are all permanently changed – not necessarily changed for worse, but changed none-the-less.
All the amazing baby gear that you just HAD TO HAVE? No one tells you that your baby may hate the Mamaroo and never actually use it. Load up on all the newest baby gear, but be prepared for most of it to remain in a box.
No one warns you about the absolutely ridiculous things you will say and do to get that first smile and laugh from your baby.
No one warns you about the love. The all-consuming, mind-numbing, love. What else, besides the love, could possibly get us through all of things that no one ever warned us about. What else besides the love would make us nearly forget all the hardship of pregnancy and infancy and want to try again? Nothing.
If there was a PSA for expecting mothers from those who have been through it before, it should read something like this: Congrats! You are going to have a baby! Welcome to the biggest, most challenging, rewarding and beautiful emotional roller coaster you will ever experience. Sometimes, oftentimes, it flat out sucks but IT IS WORTH IT. Keep your head up, get your pride and ego in-check and if you need help, ASK. Remember that in a few short months, the good will far outweigh the bad. Good luck, momma. We’re rooting for you!
For the new or soon-to-be momma’s, none of these untold truths should scare you even for a second. Despite it all, we make it through and many of us are even crazy enough to go back and do it all over again, and again and again. If this crazy momma can make it through, I can promise with absolute certainty that you will too. To those who have been through it all before, I’m sure we can all agree that whoever the ‘they’ may be…they don’t know jack.
Mommy Diatribes
Leave a Reply